You might have Count Choculitis
fun November 10th, 2006Apparently, doctors are using Google to diagnose diseases. As a public service, and for all those Google-searching doctors out there, I'm providing some information about the rare, but serious disease:
Count Choculitis
Symptoms
- Crave chocolate-flavored corn morsels
- May have unusually large canine teeth
- Hankering for ghost-shaped marshmallows
- May enjoy wearing a cloak
References
NBC's The Office (quote from IMDB):
Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis?
Jim Halpert: Sounds Tough.
Dwight Schrute: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
November 11th, 2006 at 10:59 am
It is true that pathbreaking advances typically require the rarest kind of courage, which you have shown in your public service announcement. Above all, the medical community is often inexplicably slow to respond to obvious trends. I hope, however, that this new information you provide heightens awareness to the point that people desperately needing help can get it. It appears, though, that the physicians may need to appeal for help to the professional community of exorcists if they elect to take decisive action, for very few medical schools and certification boards require the rigorous training required for exorcisms, let alone chocupire hunting! When one combines that training deficit with the immense power of chocoholism, the challenge must seem indomitable! So, don't back down from this juggernaut to provide free and open information about Count Choculitis.
November 11th, 2006 at 11:05 am
By the way, you forgot to mention the tendency of Count Choculitis sufferers to lapse subconsciously into a heavy Eastern European, specifically Transylvanian, accent in response to a multiplicity of chocolate cues. This symptomatology will require considerable observation and testing before palliative regimes can be developed. The NIH estimates a minimum 10-15 year period before a cure might be found; we are cautiously optimistic about an earlier resolution to this growing problem.
January 9th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Its truly wonderful that people are becoming more aware of this horribly debilitating condition; not only can it have a sizable psychological effect, but it can profoundly impair social functioning. I read a case study last week in which the patient had lost his mid-level telephone services job because supervisors misinterpreted the symptomatic heavy Eastern European accent as something that was merely feigned. Its tragic…and a damn shame that there is little we can do in the immediate future to help these people. Its worth mentioning, however, that it often has an acute onset.